Soon Before Long
March 16, 2010 by NaysWay · 4 Comments
It feels good when I catch up on my blog feeds. Of course, I’m feeling like a loser when I realize how many of them I have. But I live in Ohio, and there’s nothing to do here when it snows. I mean, you could eat. One thing I’ve learned about Ohioans is we’re like bears. Eat and sleep all winter, then fat and hairy by Spring wondering what happened to our waistline.
One of the blogs I read follows a man (I know! A man blogger!). This man is really into life. Seems like a nice enough guy for someone I’ve never met. Recently, his wife passed away. Less than a year later, not only did he date a family friend, but married her.
I’m not one to pass judgment. I mean, I am – I have. But for this particular instance, I kept my mouth shut. My brain had other agendas. He was not aware at the time, but BFam was about to become the victim of a hypothetical…
Me: If I died from some terrifically horrible terminal illness, how long would you wait before remarrying?
BFam: Depends on the situation.
Me: I died. I, your long-suffering, terminally ill wife, after many years of battling the affliction and bearing your many children, died. How long before you took up another wife?
BFam: I don’t know. It really just depends.
Me: On what?
BFam: This is upsetting you. Isn’t it?
Me: What would give you that idea? I just want to know what you’d want to do after my body was barely cold in the ground.
BFam: Well, the mourning period is tricky. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes months, maybe shorter.
Me: SHORTER?!
BFam: What I’m saying is, everyone’s mourning period is different.
Me: How long would yours be?
BFam: A long time. Probably forever. Happy?
Sure, he might be lying to me. I wouldn’t expect that, after I died, BFam would be a widow for the rest of his life. It’s cruel to think you’re off living your afterlife, while your spouse is made to suffer miserable and alone just because you expect him to spend the rest of his days mourning the best thing he ever had.
I kid.
Kinda.
Which leaves me with this question: What is the appropriate time to mourn the passing of a spouse/significant other? I’d love feedback. I’m well aware I may not get any. Everybody too busy Googling booty and big booty girls and big booties.
Shameful.
Cover image: Wedding by ~Ironpaw
What is the name of his website? I am curious to read it!
You send me your e-mail address, I’ll forward it your way (don’t want anyone hating on the poor man).
I read a similar blog (maybe the same one) in which the widower remarried within months of his wife’s death. At first I was shocked, but then I read his explanation and the comments to his post. He did a very good job of explaining how much he loved his wife and how, after her death, although he grieved, he realized that he actually grieved her death while she was dying. He stated that their marriage had changed during the past two to three years from husband/wife to caretaker/patient. He didn’t love her any less. Because her death wasn’t sudden, but was a long time coming, he was able to “move on” from his grief probably more quickly than if she had suddenly died in a car accident. Also, it was interesting that the woman that he married was a close family friend to both he and his wife. I think this helped in that his new wife knows and understands that there’s a history between the widower and his first wife. Your husband is correct in that everyone grieves differently, and in this situation, the widower grieved his wife’s death while she was dying.
Yep. You got it. It was the same one/guy. I totally got his reasoning, and I felt bad for my initial judgment. And I’m sure his wife would be happy for him. I think I would have been less taken aback if the person he moved on with wasn’t a family friend. Sally from down the street, that’s OK. Friend we’ve all known for years? …I don’t know…