The FEAR List (2010 Edition)

I was going to write a FEAR post today, but then something hit me…

I’VE WRITTEN FIFTY FEARS! 5-0!

Then, I started to get worried. Why have I written so many fears? Am I afraid of THAT many things? Oh, dear God, why haven’t I been committed already?! Is anyone secretly worried for me? Why do these walls keep talking to me? Am I the only one who hears those voices? Oh, and there it goes. Now I’m blind. I’ve officially gone hysterically blind. And now I’m the crazy lady walking up and down city streets, smelling of foul things, wearing newspaper airplanes on my head, pushing my shopping cart and screaming GET YOUR HAND OUT MY POCKET! to no one in particular.


So I took my Xanax and made a list of the fifty fears, one by one. You’ll be thrilled to know I’m not going crazy (yet) because a) not only are these not clinical phobias, but more like a checklist of things I need to get over or tackle head-on, and b) I have yet to repeat a FEAR.

Can you say AWESOME?! (That’s OK. You don’t have to because I’ll just say it for you. But I know you were thinking it.)

Not so awesome? I have yet to tackle a-one on my list. FEAR FAIL.

Analyzing my FEAR list and reading this post inspired me to create THE FEAR LIST. You’re oohing. You’re awing. …Aaaaaand you’re asleep. I know. Lists can be daunting and boring and forever long, then when you don’t accomplish anything you’d listed, they can be useless. I am the queen of lists. While I’ve been tested as an A/B personality (or “middle ground”), I like lists. They make me feel like I’m doing something meaningful. That would be my A side. But then I forget where I put the list and say to hell with it (that’s right, B side, let’s get a drink).

But it’s a new year, right? Got to get some ump in my gumption. More importantly, can I ever follow through on anything? Once? Can I surprise myself by actually getting over a fear with action? Novel concept, I know. My head is set to explode with the mere thought. To hell with it. I’m going all in.

[Editor's Note: While this is a goal list for the year, it also incorporates lifelong goals. You seriously don't think I can get all this done in one year, do you? DO YOU?! *falls over*]

50. Make a mistake, and then forgive myself.
49. Tell someone the truth, even though it may hurt their feelings.
48. Take my brain out for a nice cup of hot cocoa when it starts to spazz out.
47. Let my kids do one thing they want to do that scares them (and me), and nudging them to follow-through if they try to back out.
46. Sit still long enough to listen to what I’m trying to tell myself.
45. Learn to swim in the deep end – literally and figuratively.
44. Make peace with my father.
43. Become famous… and not become a jerk about it.
42. Dream big, and jump without a parachute (figuratively… let’s not get crazy).
41. Listen to my storm instead of running from it.
40. Appreciate what I’m living for.
39. Give more meaning to my Average Joe life.
38. Cut out the “can’t” and give in to the CAN.
37. Take up piano again. (I think I just heard my grandmother pass out.)
36. Forget where I was, and let the next step happen.
35. Write the book. Finish the book. Shop the book. BE. THE. BOOK.
34. Be persistent.
33. Write up a will. Then get to work filling it with things that will make the kids proud of me.
32. Enjoy life. The calling will follow.
31. Find what drives me and go to there.
30. Right my financial wrongs.
29. Tell my kids I love them everyday.
28. Learn to trust my instincts.
27. Learn to deal with change and embrace it.
26. When the going gets tough, don’t quit.
25. Relish whatever fifteen minutes I can muster.
24. Push past critics. Better yet, silence them.
23. Overcome my stage fright.
22. Wish upon a star (that’s right, Jiminy, I’m talking to you).
21. Listen to my own (truthful) voice instead of the voices of others.
20. Throw excuses out the window.
19. Read more. (A writer reads. A writer writes.)
18. Force social activity.
17. Write my own obituary as a motivator for how I’d want to be remembered. Then live it.
16. Put up or shut up. Or, my other favorite: don’t talk about it. Be about it.
15. Be patient with myself when I can’t do it all.
14. Travel the path of the unknown and unbeaten.
13. Stop sliding through life with indifference and nonchalance.
12. Keep moving forward (determination is the mantra theme).
11. Start a Book Club.
10. Throw caution to the wind and step out on faith.
09. Squash the idea killer.
08. Try something and fail. Then try again.
07. Be the match. Break out of my rut.
06. Fight for something I believe in.
05. Take more risks, even if they embarrass me.
04. End procrastination… Tomorrow. (I’M KIDDING!)
03. Stop worrying about how I’ll die, and worry about how I’m living.
02. Realize that the clock I hear ticking is the beginning of my life, not a race to the end of it.
01. Hear opportunity and invite it in for a drink.

Here’s to ambition. And lots and lots of antidepressants.

Image: The List by =Thrife on deviantART