I Hate You, Christmas
November 12, 2009 by NaysWay · 6 Comments
I’m taking a break from my Tales From The E.R. series for this special announcement…
I hate Christmas. I know. Like you really care. But I do. I’ve mentioned it before, and while my reasons always vary year to year, the end-result is always the same. Christmas = suck it. I thought the older I’d get, the better I’d be at handling this whole Yuletide scam. That’s right. I said it. S-C-A-M. Why can’t I have Thanksgiving? Why can’t Halloween be done and over with, department stores, before you’re shoving mistletoe down our throats? And, no, mall, I don’t feel like hearing your holiday inspired muzak. Tell Kenny G to take his soprano saxophone and shove it up his keester.
Thems was strong words. I’m sorry. My bad, Kenny G.
Not so fast, Christmas. I wasn’t apologizing to you…
Reason #1,245,692 of why I hate Christmas:
This was me, Monday. When I should have been lying down, recovering from my bout with bronchitis, I took the opportunity of having no spouse and no kids in the house. Just me and King Bo-Bo Creflodollar. And I sorted through this mountainous pile of monstrosity, dumped all those little, itty-bitty toys that come with fast food meals, and made room for this…
You’ve seen it. It’s come in the mail or your Sunday circular. You can’t hide. It’s officially invaded your home. That’s right. The toy catalogue. And worse, not only have you seen it, but your kids have seen it. Probably before you ever laid eyes on it. And I’m expected to respect the circled items of my spawn when they have closets full of this:
I am begging your pardon, but pray tell?! I mean, seriously!
And what the hell, Barbie head?! Right in the dog’s butt, huh? Am I gonna need to put you in time-out?
THIS WAS NOT EVEN A PRICED ITEM!
These kids. They’re determined to end my life.
Christmas. Feh.
Your feelings for Christmas always make me sad because you miss the whole point. And how others respond to the season has nothing to do with how you feel. You didn’t like Christmas as a small child, and then you knew nothing about commercialism or Kenny G, so don’t blame those things now. Christmas is what you should feel in your heart all year long – it’s the joy of giving and helping all those who share this journey of life. Show children how to give to others less fortunate by giving some of their overabundance of toys to those less fortunate. Show them how to circle the sales papers for presents for others and discuss with them what jobs they can do to earn money to make those wishes come true. Christmas isn’t about trees and lights and presents – it’s about celebrating a faith that may be called by a different name but embodies the same spirit we should all share which is helping each other, being king to each other, and doing everything we can to make this world better for everyone. We only pass this way once. How do you want to be remembered?
You know how I am about the holiday. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree.
Ha- I love that you put ‘yeah, right’ next to the dog circled in the catalog.
Christmas stresses me out too (two sets of divorced parents demanding equal ‘celebration time’), but last year I had an epiphany. I decided to scale back and do the best I could to focus on good things about the holidays, which for me are family, food, and time away from work.
My kids didn’t complain about the less expensive presents, but even if they had, I’d have sent them to their rooms to clean up their closets full of dog-butt sniffing barbies.
I’m seriously considering enrolling both of them in a nunnery. Just ungrateful so-and-so’s. And the common, “I’m so bored, I have nothing to do” on the weekends? With closets full of this crap?! Cry me a river!
I hear you on the split of time. I’m not divorced, but my family is pretty spaced out (a.k.a. not speaking to each other), so it gets crazy at holiday time.
It’s our parents who are divorced (my husband’s and mine both), so they each demand a day of our time and it feels like a tug of war. Not fun at all…
I always tell my kids that if they’re bored, I’ve got toilets to clean. They know I mean it too.
OK, well I’m glad it’s not you and your husband who are divorced (note to self: catch up on monnik’s blog so that you don’t make dumb mistakes like this again). LOL
(Another note to self: make kids clean toilets)… good stuff, monnik.