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Baby, It’s Cold Outside
January 16, 2009 by NaysWay · Leave a Comment
This has been a long, cold, cold, long, cold, c-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-old… cold day.
After waiting all last night for the news to announce the closing of daycare facilities and schools – having one daughter in each – nada! Bupkiss. Not even a small bone thrown for the frigid below zero temps. -18 degrees was the magic number, the school superintendent said.
Then, a miracle.
-25 degrees below.
And it was all chaos and jumping and throwing things and hitting and mine-mine-mine-mine stop hitting me stop hitting me I saw it first SHARE! I’m telling I want some juice I want some chocolate milk Mommy, what are you doing? What are you doing now? What about now? And now? What about now? What about today? Are you working? What are you doing? What is that? I’m hungry I’m bored there’s nothing to do I want to play the game… all was quiet in the house:
No creatures stirring:
Or going outside to relieve themselves because have you been out there?!
It ain’t fit for human consumption, I tells ‘ya. Makes you want to go:
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Holy moley, indeed, sweets.
To all you stay-at-home mothers out there homeschooling or just, you know, staying at home? You’re brave. You’re crazy. God bless you.
Snow Business
January 13, 2009 by NaysWay · Leave a Comment
I have very few things in life that irritate me. I won’t go through a list of those things unless I wanted to be thought of as a snob. If you met me, you’d know that’s the last thing I’d qualify as. I’ve been called stuck-up. Didn’t say anything to warrant the description, but still. Stuck-up is maybe the worst… ok, there have been worst things I’ve been called. The point is I am reserved with a dash of anger management.
Then it snows.
Now, I’m from Ohio. While that may sound like a foreign country, or hick town to you, I would say “yes” to both. Our state is one big heaping pot of gumbo. Lots of things going on in there. But we’re also poor so I guess that would just make us stew. Stew or gumbo, we get seasons just like anyone else. They change. Suns shine. Rains fall. Snow? Snow does this:
And this:
And that was just last year.
I never thought I lived somewhere I’d officially call a “snow belt”. Now that I’ve gone from ghetto livin’ to Suburbia, I see a lot more homeowners with snow blowers. The majority of homes around me are bungalows so you can imagine the size of the driveway. Small. Narrow. So small and narrow a snow blower is not necessary. But then you get inches of the white stuff. And the inches turn to feet. And you begin to wonder if everyone around you is crazy or knows better than you.
This is why I hate Ohio, northern Ohio most specifically. If you’re thinking of moving here, don’t. Don’t get me wrong. I like snow. But not like this.
And why, WHY would I waste the space to talk about such a thing as snow? I must be having a moment. Either that or today? Today, these pictures will go from memories to present reality as we’re in full blizzard mode. Right here. Right now.
Hating you, Ohio. I hope you can feel it.
FEAR Feature: Neil Patrick Harris
January 12, 2009 by NaysWay · Leave a Comment
Editor’s Note: If you’ve viewed this entry and seen the photo of NPH change or break, no, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. That is all.
I’ll try to go the whole post without mentioning the show that made this man popular, but it’s hard being a kid from that era of television and not say a word about it. Or Wanda. Or Vinnie. Because oh my GAWD how I had such a HUGE crush on that little blond minx. Huge like I should be locked up somewhere. And, oh, how I hated Wanda (don’t act like I was the only pre-pubescent teen girl out there who did). And how I wish I was so smart that I, too, could be a tween doctor at some huge hospital, all nerdy and saving lives and blogging about it before there were ever such a thing as a blog because how cool was that?
If it weren’t for the fact that he’s made such a name for himself on yet another popular series, How I Met Your Mother, we’d be in our 30+ years of life wondering whatever happened to that cute boy who used to play the tween doctor on the other popular series from the late ’80′s. And even though all our heterosexual hopes and dreams were dashed with the announcement that he bats for the other team, we still pine and swoon after Mr. Neil Patrick Harris. It helps that his sense of humor about his sex symbol status (then and now) and sexuality eases our fantasies of him ever, ever ever ever ever ever ever laying in our beds except for a bedtime story… a very… naughty… bedtime story. (That’s right, Doogie, I’m lookin’ at you!) Although, I would like to think it’d be more fun getting a naughty bedtime story from Barney than Doogie. Yeah, Doogie infused naughty bedtime stories might be a little weird in your 30′s. I’m just sayin’.
Here was one of the highlights from Neil’s turn at host this past Saturday’s SNL broadcast which, let me just say, SNL? You get a gem like NPH putting it down with his comedic genius and those are the best sketches you can come up with for him? Who does he have to be for A+ writing? Justin Timberlake? He rocks infinity! This is so going on my blog.
History Fail
January 9, 2009 by NaysWay · Leave a Comment
Hold onto your horses, but I’m going to be wild and crazy today and post twice. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the impending snow storm hovering over the city that’s got me all footloose and fancy free. Maybe I have so much to say. I can guarantee you I don’t, but let’s pretend…
Vacations suck. They’re needed, don’t get me wrong, but when you get back to the real world, you realize you need a vacation from your vacation. And I don’t consider the two weeks I had off as an escape from anything considering my two muchkins stayed home with me. Especially when all they do is eat everything in the house not nailed down. I have GOT to get to Costco and renew my membership. These mutants are ridiculous! “Mommy, can I have… Mommy, can I try… Mommy, I’m so hungry… Mommy, my stomach hurts… Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.” I’m retiring.
Luckily, all of the working world can rejoice for there is yet another holiday to take advantage of coming just around the corner in the form of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Unfortunately, he had to die for us to have it, but we all have our ways of showing our appreciation. At least, I hope we do. Mooter’s school, God love ‘em, has taken it upon themselves to teach her, and her other pigment enhanced friends, about her heritage and this MLK person. (There is a small ratio of them in the school, so maybe they are fulfilling an affirmative action policy. I don’t know.) In being taught, she’s been perusing a few books in her school library. Here’s how her research has been shaping up (keep in mind I’m talking to a seven-year-old; our grammar not so good yet):
Mooter: Mommy, can you tell me about the man they shot?
Me: Moot, a lot of people get shot everyday. You’re going to have to be specific.
Mooter: The man they shot. Martin Luther Kingdom. Why they shot Martin Luther Kingdom?
Me: Oh! Oh, OK. First, his name is Martin Luther King… Jr. And, uh, well, honey… there were some people that didn’t like the things he talked about and a bad man came and shot him.
Mooter: Did the man that shot Martin Luther King… was he wearing a purple hat and some brown pants?
Me: What?!
Mooter: [slowly] The. Man. That. Shot. Martin. Luther. Kingdom. Was he wearing brown pants and a purple hat?
Me: Mooter, no one saw the man when he shot him.
Mooter: I DID!
Me: That’s impossible. Unless you tell me, right now, that you had a DREAM you saw the man who shot him, I can’t believe anything you say from this point on.
Mooter: Mommy. I sawed him. Why you think I’m tricking you?
Me: I don’t think you’re tricking me. I think you don’t know what you’re saying.
Mooter: [indignant] I SAWED him, Mommy.
Me: OK, humor me. How did you see him? And it’s “saw” not “sawed” unless he wore a leather clown mask and forced people to chop off their own body parts.
Mooter: Huh?
Me: Never mind. The man. How did you see him?
Mooter: In my book. At school. In the library. My teacher told us to read about him, and I sawed… saw?
Me: Saw.
Mooter: …him in one of my books. I am telling you, Mommy.
Me: OK, Moot.
Mooter: Mommy? When did they shot him?
Me: Shoot. A long time ago before Mommy was born. When your Nana (my mother) was a little girl.
Mooter: Whoa. [pondering] Did he die?
Me: Last time I checked, yes.
Mooter: What? I thought he was stilled alive.
Me: No. And his birthday is coming up soon, and we celebrate his life and all the good things he did when he was alive.
Mooter: Like not have school or work, right Mommy? Can we stay home and play the (video) game?
I just love history lessons.
Image provided by Time Inc. Copyright 1968
FEAR No. 018 – World Outside My Window
January 8, 2009 by NaysWay · Leave a Comment
Having a psychological roadblock causes one to do a number of things. Suicide is so five minutes ago, and I’ve mentioned how I won’t take medication, so I’ve moved onto self-help. The internet is a great place to to do just that. Before you say things like “You’re stupid for using the Internet in place of professional medical care”, I just want to say: you’re probably right. But if I’m in the mindset to want to help others like me and not at home plotting my next attempt, I say I’m doing OK.
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